I tuned into the Drum on the Australia Channel on our satellite TV here in Rajasthan, India.
The show had already started so I did not get the names of those talking, and I am not sure of the original date it ran in Australia.
What caught me attention was a discussion about domestic abuse, how insidious it is and unless there is obvious physical damage it can be unnoticed.
It was heartening to hear there is a much greater level of awareness about it and how one might support a person who is victim to it, so much has changed since my children were young and it was hard to find somewhere to hide or when I was myself a child and there was nowhere to go because "it did not happen" and ssshhhhhhh no one should mention it, it was just a difficult phase. Years of beatings and violence are not just a phase.
At least by the time I had children and had to run I scraped together enough self worth to realize it should NOT happen to them and actually I had done nothing wrong - it should not happen to me either. The day I had that thought I was walking towards the back door and as I put my foot on the doormat it was as if the world slowed down and I had the thought "it is not OK to be treated like a doormat" then it all sped up as I now knew what was happening and I was going to protect myself and my children.
Anyway that was a long time ago and if a land of opportunity like Australia where there are services and places for women to go, where women have income or options of state help and yet there is still so many horror stories....
what about a place like India?
Little education in a major percentage of the population which means new ideas are slow to reach and disseminating ideas of what is right and what is wrong is hard to do.
Vast under employment and so little opportunity for many women to work mean that they have so little in the way of options.
Not to mention "traditional or village mentality"
One point the author, whose name I missed made, was that work helped her, she had a responsible job where she was looked up to for her skills and slowly the divide of how she was treated and undermined at home and respected at work started to have an effect on her self worth.
Having something out of the home made an impact on what she expected at home.
It is interesting.... there is only so much we can do through our workshop and when we started we did so because we wanted to make work for women, we also knew we were outsiders- me from Australia, Praveen from Delhi and as such we needed to tread delicately.
When we first started we visited women in their homes in the village. I was loud and probably obnoxious but I did insist it was Ladies only [ plus my shy Praveen who was clearly nervous] and no men. Only the Ladies we were working with actually and we wanted to put the money we paid into the hand who did the stitching [The one time we did not do that, we were hoodwinked... a long story for another day].
Other than my loud insistence on Ladies only, we were careful to be quiet and polite. We were also conscious we could set a sample in how we worked together as a couple- looking each other in the eye, discussing things and having equal say in the decision, having laughs and jokes together and with our Ladies.
When we started- all the women hid their faces behind their veils [Praveen was not a blood relative] I used to joke a bit and look under the veils because I can't talk to someone with out eye contact. Eventually Praveen was relegated to brother and veils slipped back to reveal shy faces.
Then as we got bigger, we could not get to the village anymore and so Ladies had to come to us.... at first a big cry they could not leave home. We said sorry, no work then.... so they started tripping along in groups to us..... now they also trip along as groups into town to shop.... to put money in savings accounts. Big changes for their range of places they can go
One of our ladies lives in my village, I often drop her home....she has face uncovered until we get near our village then laughs as she disappears behind her veil as we hit the village she married into.
So what I heard last night, and have seen here is that a job can bring a change.... definitely seen a few of our Ladies who came from very difficult homes now have a much better treatment as they become a major breadwinner. Others who come from a pleasant home have grown so much just having responsibilities and an income. In an Indian joint home virtually every decision is in the lap of the oldest member not anyone else and they direct everything you do.
Goodness the two women who came with us to Mumbai have really flowered since the experience and others look longingly for something similar to happen to them- a chance at a wider world.
Opportunities we are looking out for to share.
It reinforces what we are doing in the workshop to train and capacity build with our gang who are local... teach then and step back to let them get on with it.
We were looking for a workshop manager- and I still need to get a lot off jobs off my shoulders but have come to realize we need to divide those jobs up amongst our gang, groom some we have to pick up parts of my load.
Domestic violence is a problem the world over, we can create a safe place here, capacity big and be supportive, every little step helps bring change.
We can all support those around us as best we can in difficult times.
The show had already started so I did not get the names of those talking, and I am not sure of the original date it ran in Australia.
What caught me attention was a discussion about domestic abuse, how insidious it is and unless there is obvious physical damage it can be unnoticed.
It was heartening to hear there is a much greater level of awareness about it and how one might support a person who is victim to it, so much has changed since my children were young and it was hard to find somewhere to hide or when I was myself a child and there was nowhere to go because "it did not happen" and ssshhhhhhh no one should mention it, it was just a difficult phase. Years of beatings and violence are not just a phase.
At least by the time I had children and had to run I scraped together enough self worth to realize it should NOT happen to them and actually I had done nothing wrong - it should not happen to me either. The day I had that thought I was walking towards the back door and as I put my foot on the doormat it was as if the world slowed down and I had the thought "it is not OK to be treated like a doormat" then it all sped up as I now knew what was happening and I was going to protect myself and my children.
Anyway that was a long time ago and if a land of opportunity like Australia where there are services and places for women to go, where women have income or options of state help and yet there is still so many horror stories....
what about a place like India?
Little education in a major percentage of the population which means new ideas are slow to reach and disseminating ideas of what is right and what is wrong is hard to do.
Vast under employment and so little opportunity for many women to work mean that they have so little in the way of options.
Not to mention "traditional or village mentality"
One point the author, whose name I missed made, was that work helped her, she had a responsible job where she was looked up to for her skills and slowly the divide of how she was treated and undermined at home and respected at work started to have an effect on her self worth.
Having something out of the home made an impact on what she expected at home.
It is interesting.... there is only so much we can do through our workshop and when we started we did so because we wanted to make work for women, we also knew we were outsiders- me from Australia, Praveen from Delhi and as such we needed to tread delicately.
When we first started we visited women in their homes in the village. I was loud and probably obnoxious but I did insist it was Ladies only [ plus my shy Praveen who was clearly nervous] and no men. Only the Ladies we were working with actually and we wanted to put the money we paid into the hand who did the stitching [The one time we did not do that, we were hoodwinked... a long story for another day].
Other than my loud insistence on Ladies only, we were careful to be quiet and polite. We were also conscious we could set a sample in how we worked together as a couple- looking each other in the eye, discussing things and having equal say in the decision, having laughs and jokes together and with our Ladies.
When we started- all the women hid their faces behind their veils [Praveen was not a blood relative] I used to joke a bit and look under the veils because I can't talk to someone with out eye contact. Eventually Praveen was relegated to brother and veils slipped back to reveal shy faces.
Then as we got bigger, we could not get to the village anymore and so Ladies had to come to us.... at first a big cry they could not leave home. We said sorry, no work then.... so they started tripping along in groups to us..... now they also trip along as groups into town to shop.... to put money in savings accounts. Big changes for their range of places they can go
One of our ladies lives in my village, I often drop her home....she has face uncovered until we get near our village then laughs as she disappears behind her veil as we hit the village she married into.
So what I heard last night, and have seen here is that a job can bring a change.... definitely seen a few of our Ladies who came from very difficult homes now have a much better treatment as they become a major breadwinner. Others who come from a pleasant home have grown so much just having responsibilities and an income. In an Indian joint home virtually every decision is in the lap of the oldest member not anyone else and they direct everything you do.
Goodness the two women who came with us to Mumbai have really flowered since the experience and others look longingly for something similar to happen to them- a chance at a wider world.
Opportunities we are looking out for to share.
It reinforces what we are doing in the workshop to train and capacity build with our gang who are local... teach then and step back to let them get on with it.
We were looking for a workshop manager- and I still need to get a lot off jobs off my shoulders but have come to realize we need to divide those jobs up amongst our gang, groom some we have to pick up parts of my load.
Domestic violence is a problem the world over, we can create a safe place here, capacity big and be supportive, every little step helps bring change.
We can all support those around us as best we can in difficult times.
1 comment:
Very thought-provoking, Fiona. Thank you for this post. One of my best friends in high school was from an abusive home, and I didn't have a clue until decades later when we rekindled our friendship.
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